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4 stages of narcissistic relationship make it hard to leave, warns relationship recovery coach
Walking out of a toxic relationship with a narcissist is almost impossible if you aren’t aware of their twisted tactics; it’s easier to exit at the earliest warnings.
Narcissist abuse survivors and recovery coaches urge the masses to learn more about the problematic mental health condition as lack of knowledge is the prime reason many remain stuck with them for years and even decades. While cutting off a narcissistic parent could be difficult, you can avoid entering a romantic relationship with them.
The 4 stages of a narcissistic relationship
Narcissistic abuse victims are often asked – why didn’t you leave? As tempting as the option seems while being subjected to cruelty and toxicity daily, the narcissist in your life wouldn’t let the relationship end with someone who has been their biggest “supply”.
However, being aware of the narcissistic abuse cycle, which always follows the same pattern, can stop you from getting involved with a toxic human, who is incapable of change and co-existence. Relationship and abusive recovery coach, Lisa, breaks down the different stages.
Love bombing stage
Don’t you confuse this with love, although it feels like a fairytale. The first stage of any narcissistic relationship is when you’re showered with love, affection, and compliments as if you are the best partner one could ask for.
The “love bombing” is so strong that it blinds you from all the red flags that do show up occasionally, but are ignored because their charm and caring nature smite you. It’s only a matter of time before it all fades.
Devaluation stage
This is when the fairytale starts to look like a nightmare, but you’re so drawn into it that you’ll choose to overlook the obvious red flags.
In addition to criticism and belittling – insidious yet powerful enough to chip away at your confidence – you’re made to doubt your own reality.
They do this in a number of ways including gaslighting, manipulation, and controlling behavior. “In this stage, it’s common for victims to make excuses for their abusers,” says Lisa.
Discard stage
By now, you would have realized who you’re dealing with, even if you aren’t able to put a label on it. The narcissist would have taken everything from you and they will start to feel there’s nothing more you could do for them.
The narcissist will discard you when you become a shell of a person and they don’t look at you as an ideal partner anymore. During this phase, it’s common for a narcissist to treat you like an object, with no emotions, feelings, or any value.
Hoovering stage
Of course, it doesn’t end with the discard; the narcissist has to continue making your living hell. So, they try to suck you back into the relationship.
Although some of them remove you from their lives entirely when they find a better supply, most narcissists like to keep their options open, so they will show just enough love and affection to keep you around. As if this wasn’t hard enough, you also hold back due to trauma bonding, created by the constant highs and lows of the relationship.
They can also guilt trip you into staying with them and make you look selfish for choosing to leave. If you’re stuck in a narcissistic relationship, it’s essential to plan a safe exit with the right support, such as family, friends, and the justice system.
Lisa is a certified relationship coach specializing in abuse education, trauma bonds, and rebuilding after traumatic partnerships. She identifies as a survivor of domestic assault and narcissistic abuse and uses her first-hand experience to help others.
