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9 common gaslighting phrases as relationship coach shares befitting responses
Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse, wherein the victim is confused due to self-doubt created by the manipulator.
While conflicts aren’t uncommon in a romantic relationship, being subject to gaslighting by your partner is cruel and devastating. The constant confusion to distort your reality takes a toll on mental health and creates differences in the relationship.
Powerful responses to 9 gaslighting phrases
Gaslighting can occur in any form or shape. The person trying to confuse alters the actual details to suit their narrative.
Some facts can be denied or tweaked to make you question your decision, and it feels like you’re losing your mind. Pathological liars are notorious for mastering the art of gaslighting, not to be held accountable when they are caught in their act. Even manipulators use the technique to condition their victims, and so do players and cheaters when they want to string you along.
Certified Relationship Coach, founder of Stronger Than Before, and author of four books, Lisa Sonni, breaks down common gaslighting phrases from Harvard Psychologist Cortney Warren’s list.
1. “You’re being crazy”
When someone calls you “crazy” after hearing your perspective, you should politely say: “Please don’t question my ability to think clearly” or tell them that even if they disagree, you will stick with your version of reality.
2. “You’re overreacting”
When someone calls you out for “overreacting”, you must tell them that you don’t appreciate having your feelings judged no matter what they think.
3. “I was just joking”
Don’t hold back from expressing your feelings when someone makes a joke at your expense. You should say: “Didn’t seem like you were joking and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t talk to me that way.”
4. “You made me do that”
You’re not responsible for someone else’s reaction. If you’re blamed for “making” others do something, say: “I actually can’t make you do anything” or “Your behavior is a reflection of your own choices.”
5. “If you loved me, you’d let me do what I want”
When your partner tries to violate your boundaries using love as the reason, tell them “I’m telling you, not asking you to respect my boundaries.”
6. “I only tell you this because I love you”
The relationship coach suggests saying “That’s not how I want to be shown love” when you feel you’re being disrespected and gaslighted.
7. “This is all your fault”
Manipulators and toxic people are great at blame-shifting. If you happen to be on the receiving end of the “this is all your fault” tactic, don’t hold back from being vocal about disliking the remark directed at you.
Or, you can stand corrected where necessary but refuse to take responsibility for the other person’s actions or words.
8. “You’re just difficult”
When you’re called “difficult” because you don’t agree with someone, respond by saying: “I would appreciate it if you would speak for yourself and not for other people.” The powerful comeback can make someone instantly regret insulting you.
9. “You know the real problem is”
When the manipulator tries to confuse you by diverting the topic, say: “Please don’t change the subject” or “It seems like you don’t want to acknowledge how you’re contributing to the problem.”
