Credits: Social Media
Your chemistry with partners differs depending on your past relationships, says breakup expert
If youve ever wondered why youre attracted to some people and not others, then relationship coach and breakup expert Amy Chan has got just the thing you asked for.�
Attraction is one of the most natural human emotions and one that often results in adorable relationships or complete heartbreak. Theres a growing body of research on the subject of attraction, from the 4 qualities that make a commitmentphobe commit, to what women mean when they say theyre not attracted to nice guys.�
The reason youre attracted to one person, but not the other
Attraction is deeply personal, each person on this planet is interested in different people who meet a specific and individualized set of qualities. Though one psychologist claimed all men are interested in nurturing women, its never that simple.�
In an upcoming episode of Rory Upholds podcast, Crimes of the Heart, the host was joined by breakup coach and relationship expert Amy Chan. A sneak peek of the episode was uploaded to TikTok this week, racking up 410k views.�
In the clip, Amy explained: We are drawn to people who can wound us in a very familiar way to how we are wounded as children, and our psyche on a very subconscious level tries to recreate the scenario of the crime, essentially, in an attempt to change its ending. It drives who we feel chemistry with.
Essentially, Amy was saying that we often seek what we already know, that being the relationships we have experienced throughout much of our lives.�
The breakup guru continued to explain that our chemistry compass drives us towards what is familiar.
You will feel as though you have so much chemistry with that person because it feels like home, she added. That other person whos kind and shows up, who sees you for who you are, but you think theyre boring.
Rory added that a popular line is youre just not attracted to one another, which by Amys reasoning, is actually just you looking for something similar to what youve always experienced.�
Turns out we all have daddy issues
Lots of TikTok users are excited for the full episode to be released after Amys words struck a chord with them. It seems they might need it to as many confessed to realizing how their childhoods impacted their adult relationships.�
One person said: I found that when I met the nice person that I didnt have immediate chemistry with, and they were healthy for me that after time and seeing how they continually showed up, I became more attracted.
BUT HOW DID I CHANGE THIS? For goodness sake I want a healthy and loving relationship, another begged.
A third said: Ive been in a healthy marriage for 11 years & recently started reverting to old patterns. This makes so much sense.
