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Top divorce lawyer warns everyone needs a prenup – and how to bring it up
Initiating a conversation with your significant other about writing and formalizing a prenuptial agreement might not be top on your list of things to do. But everyone has a prenup one way or another, argues divorce lawyer James Sexton.
He went on Steven Bartletts Diary Of A CEO podcast this week to discuss marriage, divorce, kids, and everything in between. Lots of things can lead to marital breakdown. Being obsessed with your kids to the detriment of the relationship, for one. Even living with your partner before getting hitched increases the likelihood of divorce… apparently. Add not having a conversation about prenups to that list, says James.
How to start a conversation about a prenup with your partner
Divorce lawyer James Sexton appeared on the Diary of a CEO podcast on October 28, 2024, for a lengthy conversation about all the elements of a long-term relationship.�
About two hours in, Steven turns to James and says that, for many people, its really uncomfortable to turn to your partner and ask for a prenup.
James responds by saying that its all about how you bring up the conversation.”
My preferred entry, he goes on, is, Every single person who gets married has a prenup. Its either written by the government, or its written by two people who love each other more than the other 8 billion people in the world.
Marriage laws in the United States are typically set by individual states, but the federal government also has a hand in them. James point is that your marriage will either be governed by laws set by others or rules set by you.
Its better to set the rules yourself rather than let the government set them
I personally think that the two people in a marriage are better qualified to create the rule set of their marriage than politicians they dont know, James says.
A prenup is short for a prenuptial agreement. Its a legal contract between two (not more) people who are about to get married or enter a civil partnership. Prenups are legally binding but dont replace actual laws.�
Nevertheless, they can be considered by courts when determining such things as the division of assets in the event of a divorce.
By getting married, James argues, youre signing up for the most legally significant thing youre ever going to do other than die. With, he adds, a rule set that no one ever explains to you in advance, that can be changed by people who dont know you based on who won a popularity contest.
Just having a conversation about a prenup can be healthy for couples
Even having a conversation about a prenup is a very healthy exercise for a couple, James says.
After difficult conversations, he says, there are feelings of empowerment and rejuvenation, linked to the sense of accomplishment partners can relish after having got through something challenging together.
Steven echoes this point.
While its not the kind of thing that can be scientifically measured, its widely understood that navigating difficult conversations has the potential to strengthen interpersonal bonds.
First, it requires a degree of bravery to enter into them. Doing so doubles up as a show of faith in the strength of the relationship, that it will be able to weather whatever challenges a particular conversation will introduce. Finally, getting through a trial of any kind, with anyone, brings you closer to them in myriad ways.
If youre afraid to introduce the topic of prenups with your partner, its important to consider what is at the root of that fear. Good luck out there!
