Credits: Social Media
Therapist’s hot take on being turned off by good guys will make you question your priorities
While “bad boys” pride themselves on attracting one too many romantic partners, the good ones feel rejected and left out.
Many of us have consciously or subconsciously felt drawn to emotionally unavailable men or “players”, although it almost always ends in heartache. If you have strayed away from a healthy relationship seeking some thrill, a couples therapist explains the reason behind the problematic behavior.
Why do women feel good guys give the icks?
Dating is hard as is, but the tricks our minds play make it all the more complicated. Whether it’s the plot of a popular rom-com or your bestie’s experience with a non-committal man, the antics of “bad boys” aren’t unheard of.
Sadly, there are too many instances when women have chosen an unavailable partner over a loving one. When one female user posed this question, couples therapist Dr. Alina Kastner was thrilled to break down the mindset driving the (questionable) desire.
She says good guys give the icks because they are “predictable” and you “feel bored”, despite feeling comfortable at the beginning of the relationship. With time you grow into the homely feeling and the attraction towards the unpredictable becomes more intense.
- RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: Forget the middle child, dating the eldest comes with its own challenges
In Dr. Alina’s words: “It gives you the feeling that the mothership is safe at shore waiting for you every single day.”
When you feel your life lacks the thrill owing to its predictability, the desire to explore what’s outside of a healthy relationship takes over. And then, “you jump off the ship and start diving for some interesting shipwreck,” she says.
Why you always attract emotionally unavailable men
Dr. Alina also explains why you may be more attracted to emotionally unavailable partners; despite knowing they bring nothing to the table.
Your aversion to a committed relationship is one of the biggest reasons for choosing bad boys, because you know very well, they will never promise to commit.
You tend to invest in a relationship that doesn’t demand much, making you “feel” safe when you aren’t ready for a commitment yourself.
Although most daters complain about being betrayed by players, they consciously enter an arrangement that never promises a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Therefore, your decision to go after the unattainable has to do with your issues and not the person you’re attracting.
Dr. Alina Kastner is a Systemic Family Psychotherapist who specializes in individual and couples therapy. She holds a Doctorate in Psychotherapy Sciences from Sigmund Freud Private University Vienna.
