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Therapist reveals four subtle signs that your date is a narcissist
A psychotherapist and dating expert recently revealed four signs to look out for to find out if your date is a narcissist.
Relationships and dating are never easy, but first dates often feel exciting. The thrill of meeting a potential lifelong partner and starting the greatest love story ever is exactly what all of us want. However, the real world is not a Hollywood rom-com where soulmates stumble into each other and have a happily ever after. Most of us have to kiss many frogs before we meet our prince, while some don’t even get that and end up with charming narcissists. However, the TikTok famous psychotherapist Dr. Alina Kastner�has shared four subtle signs that can help you spot a narcissist on the first date.
4 subtle signs your date is a Narcissist
In her first TikTok on the platform from November 2023, Dr Kaster explained three signs that you are on a date with a narcissist. In her subsequent chat with Newsweek, she also revealed a fourth. The expert shared how a “healthy” guy should make you feel very different. For the unversed, narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people (as described by the Mayo Clinic) have “an unreasonably high sense of their importance.”
You feel too much excitement around them
“You feel super excited, on edge, all that positive anxiety,” the psychotherapist says, noting that is not how you should be feeling. While feeling a little anxious on a first date is normal, the expert, who has been a research associate at the Medical University of Vienna since 2019, thinks that if you are with someone who has good vibes, you should be feeling calm, safe, and settled. “You should be feeling like you’ve arrived at a very homey energy.”
Love Bombing and superficial conversations
One of the most talked about red flags among Gen-Z is “love bombing.” Many would be glad to know that an expert in the subject thinks the same. Dr Kaster has pointed out that it’s a red flag if your date is complimenting you to the extreme or telling you that you’re the one they’ve been waiting for.
The expert notes that a “healthy” guy, on the other hand, will listen to you intently and ask deeper questions about the topic. The right guy would be interested in getting to know who you are. His behavior won’t be as superficial as a narcissist.
Inviting you to vacations six months down the line
This one isn’t as popular as the others on the list but Dr. Kastner states that this is a giant red flag.
The expert notes how it makes people feel flattered and makes them think their date is serious enough about them to think about the long term. However, it’s a glaring red flag. The psychotherapist notes that a decent person would ask you out on a second date instead. She also asks women to think carefully about whether or not the guy they are on a date with is putting in real effort or if it’s all superficial.
Soulmate Talk
Dr. Kastner warns against people who casually drop the word during the first few dates. She notes that these people should be kept at a safe distance.
“Narcissists may claim that you are their soulmate or their perfect match very early, this usually happens on the first date,” the expert says. Those who fall for this tactic often feel a deep connection to the narcissist and get trapped soon after.
What kind of people generally attract a narcissist?
The website Mind Body Green states that people with low self-esteem who deny their own needs, empathic personalities, and narcissistic parents are more prone to attracting narcissists.
Psychotherapist�Dana Dorfman states that people who have grown up around narcissistic parents, who often seek familiarity outside their homes, can get stuck with partners who have the same traits.
Similarly, empathic people often feel others’ emotions deeply making them a perfect prey for the narcissist.
“Since narcissists rely on exclusive focus and attention, an empathic person would naturally appeal to them,” Dorfman says.
