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Situationship only holds you back from going after what you truly want, says dating coach
Gone are the days when people fell in love organically. You can now reject someone or get rejected in a single swipe.
One may think dating websites and apps have made it easy for daters to look for what they want, especially with the endless options you never seem to run out of. But a dating expert argues that a “going with the flow” or “seeing where things go” mindset is bound to end in heartbreak.
Why ‘seeing where things go’ is dangerous
British dating and relationship coach Matthew Hussey doesn’t believe dating casually is a bad idea, but being in a situationship for a long time can leave you feeling trapped.
He breaks down different reasons that possibly drive people to be in a poorly defined relationship, including not being honest with yourself.
People who crave a meaningful relationship may still choose to keep it casual while living in denial. Whereas, some daters like to “see where things go” hoping it takes them where they want to be while being “cool” about it. However, this doesn’t always end the way it’s imagined to be.
Some continue to stay in a situationship by letting go of the opportunity to meet others because they have already invested a bit much in their casual partner – although it isn’t what they truly want.
The fear of rejection can also make “see where things” go, as the ill-defined relationship can only hurt you so much, or at least that’s what you believe.
Matthew warns that adopting this mindset can turn “dangerous” when you continue to see someone for months or even years when the chances of hurting are highly likely.
When they say they ‘don’t want to hurt you’
The other common phrase you often hear in a non-committal relationship is – “I don’t want to hurt you.” The dating expert assures you’re almost always going to end up hurt when someone says this.
This essentially means youre doomed to hurt as the other person has made it clear that you shouldnt have any hopes of a future together. If someone tells you this, listen to them because they are being honest and move on to someone who will never hurt you instead.
And when you’re asked not to wait, be prepared to waste a lot of your time because the timeline for it is very long or never. Perhaps youve interpreted their words incorrectly by assuming they’re looking out for your feelings or intend to do the honorable thing because they aren’t and never will.
