Credits: Social Media
Forget the middle child, dating the eldest sibling comes with its own challenges, expert says
Earlier this year, TikTok users were referring to birth order charts before jumping into a relationship, making it a full-fledged trend. A dating expert doubles down on the belief that romance with the eldest isn’t a cakewalk.
Everybody talks about the middle child being rebellious, while the youngest continues to be babied forever. However, the eldest children have a personality trait more complex than you would imagine. That’s why psychologists consider the order of birth an important factor in dating.
The complex traits of the eldest child
Let’s talk about the universal characteristics of eldest children before learning how to navigate the accompanying challenges.
Relationship expert and founder of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking, April Davis, tells The Focus that dating the firstborn has benefits as well as pitfalls you could avoid.
- The ‘authority figure’ – The eldest child is almost always more responsible and takes everything upon themself. This makes them feel like the “authority figure” with their siblings, which can be carried into a romantic relationship, thus creating an imbalance of power dynamic.
- Perfectionism – They strive to be perfect, which can hurt them and their partners in the long run, especially if their expectations aren’t met.
- Struggle with neuroticism – Eldest children tend to be more neurotic, which results in them experiencing negative emotions such as anxiety and depression. This can also impact the relationship when one partner is burdened by unpleasantness more often than the other.
Dating expert’s advice to navigate the challenges
Firstly, the above traits aren’t common in every individual born first in the family. Secondly, even if you were to date them, there are always ways to navigate the issues that aren’t dealbreakers.
If you find your partner struggling to be perfect all the time, April of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking advises reassuring them that “they dont have to be perfect all the time for the relationship between you to work.
Establishing firm boundaries is important as some firstborns need to be in control. “Setting healthy boundaries and establishing a dynamic where both halves of the couple are seen as partners can overcome this trait,” the expert says.
As far as negative emotions from neuroticism are concerned, the dating expert advises:
Encourage your partner to work on this skill, and see if you can find some helpful advice. You could remind them of these techniques if they fall into a funk or set limits on when a certain thing can be complained about if it’s a frequent issue.
