Communication hack to make your partner do chores without nagging, from counselor

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By Chaitra Krishnamurthy

9 October 2024

Relationships can’t be perfect all the time and shared responsibilities are one of the many things most couples fight over.

Most cultures name women responsible for most of the chores and sadly, trends like ‘Trad Wife’, which describes a conventional female homemaker have only made it easier for the opposite gender to evade accountability. But, a counselor has just the tip that can make your partner do chores without you nagging.

Counselor weighs in on couples sharing chores

Nagging is extremely annoying; not just for the person on the person on the receiving end, but also for the one responsible for doing it.

Although not acceptable, it’s common for women to complain about their male partners not doing chores equally, and in some instances, it’s the woman who needs to be asked repeatedly.

Regardless of gender, a romantic relationship between adults becomes tense when the onus of chores falls on one of their shoulders.

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Licensed counselor Jacob Santhouse says it’s common for one partner to ask the other to do the same task around the house 100 times, yet they only do it when asked again.

If this is a common pattern in your household, consider changing how you communicate your needs to your partner – it makes a huge difference.

@drjacobsanthouse

Replying to @Baileigh’s ✨Book Nook✨ Sometimes the way to share responsibility is through asking to actually hand over the responsibility rather than asking for the same thing again and again. And as always, all of this is based on the assumption that the people in the relationship are interested in improving the relationship. #relationships #therapist #communication #responsibility

♬ original sound – Dr Jacob Santhouse LCPC

How to make your partner do chores

Instead of asking every time to do the exact chore – which by now your partner should have realized is their responsibility – ask them a different question.

In one of those (rare) times when you’re not asking your partner to do something, “try and have a conversation where you say ‘Hey, I would like to hand you the responsibility for this entirely, so I don’t have to think about it at all.'”, says Jacob.

You can rather ask your partner how you could help them to do the tasks on their own – by setting reminders for them on their phone or if they need something else changed.

He believes nagging isn’t a “valuable way to communicate in a relationship.” Instead of becoming resentful about asking the same thing repeatedly, rephrase your sentence into a question that doesn’t come across as a personal attack.

Dr. Jacob Santhouse is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in Colorado. With an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Moody Theological Seminary, he is also a registered Telehealth provider in Florida.

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