Credits: Social Media
7 things I learned from being in a long-term relationship
We are all searching for love and a relationship that can stand the test of time. However, a few lucky ones get to experience it very early in our lives. I happen to be among the fortunate few who got into a teenage relationship that stood the test of time and has been going strong for 10 years now. However, the path of love has never been easy.
In the age of the internet and online dating, some of us have found love the old-fashioned way and I happen to be one of them. My significant other is the only person I have ever been with and vice versa. We met when we were both 14, became friends, and then “got together” (whatever it meant back then) when we were 16. After experiencing many joyous and difficult moments together, we have stuck by each other for 10 years now.
But it wasn’t as easy as eating a piece of chocolate cake (something I do more frequently than I should). Being so close to someone in the most formative years of my life shaped me as a person. Moreover, it taught me a thing or two about being with someone for the long haul and what makes things last.
A relationship is a lot of self-work
Self-work and growth never really stop in life. But nothing makes you see your flaws as clearly as a long-term relationship. However, if a certain habit of yours is causing pain to your partner and unknowingly harming your individual life too, wouldn’t you want to change it?
Being your best possible self at any given point in time will help your relationship greatly. If only one person keeps being their best self while the other isn’t putting enough work into themselves, the relationship will soon run out of fuel.
Sometimes, self-work means developing patience so you can support your partner as they work on improving an unpleasant trait. Other times, it could mean learning to be more selfless so you can put your significant other’s needs first, especially when they are in a more difficult spot in life. At the end of the day, the people you love the most deserve your best version.
Taking out time for yourself
Being in a long-term relationship can sometimes mean that you are attached at the hip. While enjoying your partner’s company is important, it is equally crucial that you take time out to do things by yourself.
No matter how long you have been with your significant other, you’ve been with yourself longer. Prioritizing your relationship with yourself and taking time to bond with you is as important as spending quality time with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
For some, it can mean going on solo dates or shopping by themselves. For others, it can be working out by themselves or even playing their favorite video games. You should always be a priority in your life. You truly can’t pour from an empty cup.
Give each other space
Along the lines of my previous point, giving space to each other is as important as spending time together. You need to be able to miss each other now and then to keep the desire and passion for each other’s company burning.
What worked wonders for me was isolating myself and being razor-focused on my individual goals. This meant me and my partner went days without talking to each other at all. We also went weeks without meeting each other despite living five minutes away. There was a lot to talk about and share when we reconnected.
Couples in long-distance relationships already know how to go a long time without meeting each other, so they need no advice when it comes to this. Also, this can be tricky to pull off when you are living with your partner.
Be the ‘You’ you’d be without them in your life
Being with someone since your teenage years has its benefits. But sometimes it can also mean that you find it difficult to distinguish your likes and dislikes from theirs. If you are like me and haven’t explored yourself for the longest time, it can be easy to adopt your partner’s tastes and values.
While you will learn a lot of things from your partner in a long-term relationship, it is important to be the ‘You’ you truly are. The ‘You’ you’d be without them around. This sort of self-discovery does require spending a lot of quality time alone, without the need for your significant other to be around.
It is worth exploring yourself and building self-worth, despite who you are with. You are an individual before you are someone’s partner.
Let the small things go
I say this as someone who’s still not very good at doing it. While some of us find it easier to let small things go, others (like myself) struggle quite a lot. The habit of getting stuck on small details can hinder us in every aspect of our lives, from ruining our mental health to destroying friendships and relationships in the long run.
Hence the sooner we train our minds to let the small things go, the happier we will be. You can let go of those few incidents where your partner wasn’t more attentive to you in a public setting. You can also let go of those few times they said something hurtful and unfair.
Sometimes these behaviors can’t indicate an underlying more serious problem in the relationship. However, there’s nothing that an honest conversation with your significant other can’t solve.
You will have doubts
Even in a rock-strong relationship, there will be moments when you have doubts about your partner. You may find yourself questioning if this is truly the right person for you. Would you be able to spend the rest of your life with them? It’s a big question!
It is especially common when they are the only person you’ve ever been with. But these are key moments in a relationship. Regardless of the reason behind these doubts, they should never be ignored. It’s important that you first and foremost address them within yourself. Take time to get to the root of what you are feeling and why. However, if you think a deep-rooted issue is causing these thoughts, you must bring it up with your partner.
Just because you are having doubts, that doesn’t always mean it’s the end of your relationship. When I addressed them and got through the proverbial tunnel, I felt more sure about the person I had chosen. The answer may be different for everyone, but you owe yourself the answers to these key questions about your life.
Splitting up is very much a possibility
Many of us have seen long-term couples split. Whether it’s your favorite celebrity couple or someone you know personally, it’s shocking and can shake your belief in love. However, it is important to remember that even the strongest relationships can end for various reasons.
Sometimes it could be for reasons beyond our control. However, this has made me realize that my relationship and every other important thing in my life is only as good as I make it. If my efforts stop for a long period, things can go downhill.
But even if they do, it’s not the end of the world!
