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6 toxic traits of narcissists that are ‘carefully hidden in public’, trauma coach says
Narcissists don’t think or function like normal humans, making it harder to predict their moves. However, there are tell-tale signs, known only to those who have experienced the problematic personality.
A recent study found that mothers are the “most perceived” narcissists, followed by husbands, boyfriends, and others. No matter what relationship they share with you, their calculated tactics are constant and carefully hidden behind their masks in public.
6 obvious signs of a narcissistic person
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is marked by a lack of empathy, grandiosity, lack of accountability, a fragile ego, and more characteristics unique to people with antisocial personality disorders.
It doesn’t matter who the narcissist in your life is, their behavior is deeply rooted in entitlement, which is well hidden in a public setting. Trauma-informed coach and therapist, Caroline Strawson, outlines 6 behavioral traits only their victims are unfortunate enough to see.
They can’t be held accountable
As said earlier, narcissists don’t feel emotions like an average mentally healthy person. While people who are aware of their actions and consequences apologize when at fault, those who have NPD don’t think they are ever wrong.
They are so entitled that they believe they are always correct, an attitude that doesn’t leave much room for regret, guilt, or remorse.
They are cruel behind closed door
“Narcissists are like chameleons,” says Caroline. They wear opposite personalities at home and in public. While they are extremely pleasing and charming with others, like friends and family members, only their close ones know their true colors.
They are masters of sarcasm and mockery and know when to use it against you to their advantage. For instance, they may hurl hurtful comments at you just before a big event and show up with their best behavior in public while your face is creased with worry from their temper tantrum only a few moments ago. People naturally think something is wrong with you.
They are controlling
They decide what you should say, what you should wear, and who you are allowed to and not allowed to communicate with. The sense of control feeds a narcissist’s ego while chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem.
They don’t care though. “Despite being privately controlling, they play the victim in the public. If youve got a cold, theyve got the flu,” the therapist writes in her Facebook post.
They lack empathy
Circling back to the previous fact about people with NPD – they lack empathy. They don’t feel bad about hurting others.
For them, it’s all about winning. Caroline writes: “If we hurt somebody, well feel bad and want to make it right. A narcissist is devoid of empathy.”
You walk on eggshells around them
There is so much confusion, fear, and complicated emotions involved in a narcissistic relationship that you forget the healthy way to react. Even when you know you aren’t at fault, the narcissist conditions you to dwell in self-doubt.
Dreading their unpredictable reaction to anything you say, you would rather choose to walk on eggshells to “keep the peace.”
They distort your reality
One of the many heinous things a narcissist does is gaslight his targets to make them question their reality. For instance, take this example Caroline states:
“You might see a mysterious text on your partners phone, but if you ask who it was, theyll say: Dont be ridiculous, theres nothing there.”
“If you insist you saw it, theyll shift the focus to your behavior. Youre such a drama queen! theyll say. You wind up feeling as though youre in the wrong,” she writes at the end of her post.
Caroline Strawson is a multiple award-winning Qualified and Accredited Trauma Therapist & Coach, founder of The School of Trauma Informed Positive Psychology – a school with a mission to create a wave of change around trauma healing and education both personally and professionally.
