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5 things polyamorous couples want you to know
Polyamory is a relationship practice slowly cementing itself in the mainstream, but with only around 5% of Americans partaking in it, the intricacies are still relatively unknown.
Most people probably dont know anyone in a polyamorous relationship, or perhaps they do and simply arent aware of it.�Still, 1 in 9 Americans describe themselves as polyamorous, and it’s a relationship trend that is slowly increasing as attitudes change.
What is polyamory?
The Cambridge Dictionary describes polyamory as: The practice of having sexual or romantic relationships with two or more people at the same time.
While ‘non-monogamy’ may sound like a hippie, new-age concept, it has been around since pretty much the dawn of civilization. Ancient civilizations in Greece, Mesopotamia, and Egypt practiced polyamory in some way, though the relationships were usually skewed in favor of men. Even the Vikings are said to have enjoyed numerous sexual partners.�
In contemporary history, polyamory has become an umbrella term for countless variations of non-monogamy.
Its not all about physical intimacy
Data from 2023 YouGov found most people dont know what polyamory is, leading to countless stereotypes and misconceptions. Poly couple Jimmy, Chacha, and Summer exclusively told The Focus the same thing, arguing most people think non-monogamous relationships are all about physical intimacy.�
A widespread misconception about polyamorous relationships is that they are primarily about having multiple sexual partners and lack emotional depth or commitment, they explained.
In reality, polyamory often involves strong emotional connections, clear communication, and commitment to each partners needs and boundaries.
That sentiment was echoed by Rebecca, Karla & Alex, who further explained: People also think its a ‘lack of commitment’ but it actually takes even more commitment to commit to multiple relationships.
Polyamorous people get jealous, too
Polyamorous couples get jealous as much as monogamous pairings, after all, 79% of men and 66% of women defined themselves as jealous when asked. Its a very human emotion , but one that can be dealt with using some care.
So we do experience it, but we take it as an opportunity to learn what we are lacking & how to better communicate our needs. Its usually an unmet need so we work together to find out what that is & work to achieve it, said Rebecca, Karla & Alex.
Jimmy, Chacha, and Summer said they overcome jealousy through open and honest communication.
These techniques like discussing boundaries, reassuring each others importance, and cultivating trust are what makes our relationship work after 11 years of being together, they added.
Just because there are more people, doesnt mean commitment isnt important
While commitment works slightly differently in non-monogamous relationships, that doesnt mean its not there. If anything, being fully committed to more than one person is more difficult.
In polyamory, commitment is often more about respecting each partners needs and boundaries and less about exclusivity, explained Jimmy, Chacha, and Summer. It can involve managing time and emotional resources to ensure each relationship is cared for.
Rebecca, Karla & Alex hit back at the term relationship escalator , which refers to the natural steps in a relationship according to societal norms. These steps are said to include milestones like owning a property, getting married, and having children.
But, as they told us: Our loyalty, love, investment & actions are what determines that commitment to one another. Not things that society views as commitment.
Do you choose polyamory? Or does polyamory choose you?
One of the biggest questions about polyamory is how couples find themselves in that situation. Did they actively go out looking for similarly-minded people? Or was it more natural, and developed over time?
Things changed for Rebecca when she watched the 2012 show Polyamory: Married & Dating, which sparked a big change.
I found the word, educated myself & then consciously chose polyamory and built a relationship that suited me, Rebecca explained.
Planning is essential
Scheduling and planning is an important part of any relationship, and with more people, an increased level of planning is expected. Go with the flow doesnt really work in poly relationships because there are simply too many flows to go with.
Rebecca, Karla & Alex said planning is important because more partners means more schedules, more responsibilities & more people to consider.
We want to ensure we get time individually, separately & all together. Also, we carve out time for ourselves. Because self-love matters too! they said.
