Credits: Social Media
Couple of 11 years share the ‘so healthy’ mindset that has kept them together
Relationships are a notoriously complex business and there are questions raised at almost every stage, whether thats if youre just striking up a first conversation with your crush or are considering popping the question to your significant other of many years.
One couple has recently gone viral on TikTok after posting a video describing the mindset that they claim is the secret to the success of their 11-year relationship.
Couple share the relationship mindset that has kept them together for 11 years
The couple, Jory and Max, who go by the username @alluringskull on the social media site, begin the video – which has earned more than 3.9 million views at the time of writing – by referencing a clip from another video that describes the philosophy behind their own relationship.
The clip they reference states:
Not dating to marry, not dating to break up, but a secret third thing (dating to enjoy being with a person youre compatible with for as long as you both enjoy each other, no matter if thats months or years or the rest of your lives.
Jory then introduces the couple, This is my partner Max and weve been together for 11 years. Every time somebody hears that, theyre like, Whats the secret to a long-lasting relationship?
This, they say while pointing to the clip. This.
The couple then continues to discuss how they first got together and how their no pressure mindset of their relationship has helped them to stay together for over a decade.
Our first date wasnt even supposed to be a date, begins Jory. We were just supposed to hang out and we ended up enjoying ourselves so much that it became a date.
The entire time weve been in this relationship, Ive always said, Were only in it until one of us isnt happy or both of us arent happy and then were free to go our separate ways, they add. It wasnt until around year six or seven where I was like, Hmm, I can see Max being in my life forever and I cant imagine a life without Max.
I think were sold this romanticized idea that you need to want to be with your partner forever, no matter who is it, from the beginning, they say. But I think that puts a lot of pressure on relationships and it makes it harder for you to actually maintain it or walk away if you find out that youre not compatible.
The couple got engaged last year, the tenth year of their relationship, but Jory explains why they made the decision when they did.
It took us years to actually get to know each other, they explain. It took us years of growing together so we had a relationship that was this compatible and I think the best expectation that you can put on somebody is that you have a good time for as long as youre together.
Science of compatibility
Compatibility is a hugely important part of any relationship and countless scientific studies have been carried out over the years to research what aspects of a relationship make a couple tick.
Unsurprisingly, the aspects in question are numerous and incredibly complex as one study published in February 2023 revealed as it listed 24 factors that impact a couples compatibility.
These can range from traditional factors such as a partner’s appearance and sense of humor to their career hopes or how they spend their leisure time.
The mindset that Jory and Max have employed in their relationship has allowed them to explore these factors of compatibility before potentially rushing into a situation that adds extra pressure, such as marriage or looking after a child, for example.
It would appear that the couple are not alone in this relationship mindset either as statistics from Forbes show that since 2000, marriage rates across the US have dropped from 8.2 per 1,000 people to 6 per 1,000 people in 2021.
However, it is worth noting that this drop in marriage rates could also be partially because of a destigmatization of cohabitation as well as financial pressures causing people to rethink tying the knot with large and expensive celebrations. �
At the end of the day, its always worth remembering that there is no right or wrong way to go about a relationship and you should do whatever works best for you and your partner.
