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Tell-tale signs of a narcissistic relationship seem ‘normal’ when you’re stuck in one
How do you know if you’re dating a narcissist? Sadly, most victims of a narcissistic relationship don’t realize they are stuck in one unless they get out of it or gain enough awareness to wrap their heads around the toxicity.
Narcissistic abuse is insidious. It leaves the victim so confused and helpless that they start to believe there’s no way out. Hence, it’s important to learn about the obvious signs of a toxic relationship involving someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Tell-tale signs of a narcissistic relationship
The dialogue around narcissism has considerably increased in the past decade or so. Therefore, it’s much easier to learn about the mental health condition infamous for ruining relationships and lives.
Renowned American clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula was on the Dairy of CEO Podcast when she revealed three obvious characteristics of a narcissistic relationship, of which one is dead a giveaway.
Rumination
When you obsessively think about the negative relationship you’re stuck in and often blame yourself for doing “something wrong”. As narcissists are known for their lack of accountability, shifting blame onto others and creating self-doubt, the victims always question themselves.
Dr. Ramini says people in narcissistic relationships, especially the ones who aren’t aware of their situation, are always trying to “fix” it, even though the narcissist in their life wouldn’t let that happen because they feed on constant drama.
“Rumination is a hallmark characteristic of a person in a narcissistic relationship,” she says.
Regret
Those who have a choice to walk out of a toxic relationship wouldn’t regret it as much as the victims of a narcissistic relationship – they are constantly sucked back into it.
The regret plays out in different ways. Some may regret having children with a narcissist, while others may feel terrible about spending years of their lives trying to fix something that can never be mended.
Victims can also experience smaller regrets such as saying the wrong thing that would trigger their toxic partner or not behaving a certain way to appease them.
Euphoric recall
Dr. Ramani says people in narcissistic relationships have an “uncanny ability to cherry-pick the good things that happen” in their relationship.
The victims are deprived of the basic respect, love, and affection any human deserves. Therefore, they get excited when the narcissist does anything remotely nice and settle for the “breadcrumbs”.
“The euphoric recall is the over-focus on good experiences” to maintain a certain status quo, says Dr. Ramani.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a clinical psychologist, former professor of psychology, author, and media expert. She’s best known for widely discussing NPD and narcissistic abuse. She holds a PhD in clinical psychology from the University of California.
