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High-end jeweler shares 5 signs your shock proposal is actually a shut up ring
Having watched happy couples for years, a jeweler has shared the 5 cautionary signs that could suggest your partner is attempting to manipulate you with a “shut up” ring.
With the rise of toxic social media trends and changing attitudes, navigating a relationship in 2024 is never easy. You’ve first got to find a match, then get to know that person, and that’s to say nothing of how easy it is to cheat using an iPhone. Relationships are exhausting before you even make it to marriage.
A proposal could mean you’re partner is trying to shut you up
We all love a proposal moment, from the cruel guy who faked engine failure for his proposal to the man who made it look like a mistake. Sadly, not all proposals are as lovey-dovey as they seem, and some of them are straight-up gaslighting.
Goodstone founder Blake Asaad is very familiar with happy couples seeking the perfect engagement ring. Naturally, he’s picked up a keen sense over the years that can identify when a proposal is not what it seems.
Ive met hundreds of people buying rings for their partners, and sometimes their emotion when theyre buying says it all, he said. When someone is genuinely excited to be married, you can feel it as soon as they walk in. On the other hand, the vibe is often easy to spot if theyre buying a shut up ring.
Blake said that proposals following an argument are sometimes, but not always, an attempt to shut you up. It’s a form of manipulation that makes you focus on the shiny ring and not the raging argument you’ve just had.
If they whip out a ring just to try and placate you, it may be a sign theyre not actually committed, said Blake.
Another sign you’ve been issued a shut-up ring is your partner’s avoidance of deep conversations. If they won’t speak about your future together, that dazzling rock on your finger might not be the saving grace you think it is.
Following your initial engagement, picking a date, and purchasing your Fireball garter, it’s on to the meat of the wedding planning. Some partners might not be too involved, but be cautious if they seem completely detached from the event.
Blake said: Some people arent fussy about all the small details of a wedding, but if they want to share their life with you, theyll have at least some level of enthusiasm.”
It’s not always a dark ploy to lock you down
Earlier points suggest that your partner is out to trap you in the relationship or manipulate you into a situation that suits them, but not all relationships are the same.
You might also receive a “shut up ring” because of external pressures, those being family pressure, religious expectations, or societal norms. It’s not you they are telling to shut up, but the expectations and demands of those around them.
Ultimately, you (in theory) know your partner better than anyone else on the planet, so if you feel a proposal is suspicious, you might be onto something.
When a proposal is genuine, youll know, the jeweler argued. If you’re questioning the authenticity of the proposal, its a sign that a deeper conversation is needed.
What to do if you’ve received a ‘shut up ring’
Each relationship is different, and while we are not suggesting you break up the engagement, it’s definitely an issue that requires talking through.
Blake explained: If you suspect youve received a shut-up ring, have an open, honest conversation with your partner. Focus on understanding the underlying issues that might have made them feel they had to propose, and be honest about whether both of you are genuinely invested in the future of this relationship. If you discover the proposal was given under pressure or to stop you from leaving, its vital to pause and reconsider moving forward.
Discuss your intentions for the long term. Buying a shut up ring is a costly mistake, but its one thats ultimately fairly easy to reverse. The same cannot be said of buying a house together or having children, so make sure youre both truly committed and have discussed the future in-depth before deciding to move forward.
